I wanted to start this part off with a random phrase, but I couldn’t think of any, so here’s the story continued…
“Alt? Make a choice now… please, I have a party to attend to (second aunt’s 3rd wedding with her fourth husband),” muttered Merlin.
“No ice cream?”
“That’s a certain probability, my boy. A very serious one at that, you wouldn’t want to live life without ice cream now would you?”
That didn’t work on Alt, “I’m lactose-intolerant, and I’ve never had ice cream!”
“Uh… does that mean you say no then?” asked Merlin. He squinted his eyes in preparation for the worst.
“Alt, you know, this IS saving the world,” said Ctrl.
“Actually, it’s saving the history of the world,” corrected Um.
“Same difference.”
“Well, Alt?”
“Alt, listen… ice cream is a very good treat, I’ll make it so that you won’t be lactose intolerant by the end of this, I promise. Ok?” said Merlin.
“No! Cream, gross! No, me – I want to go home, got that?” demanded Alt.
Merlin rolled his eyes, “Oh all right…” he snapped his fingers, and Alt was sent spiralling out of the world, and into his room.
There was a Christmas tree standing in his room, all around it was presents. His calendar was on the wall, with every day except December 25th as Christmas. On his shelf was a statue of a man on a cross, the etching saying: “Jesus Christ the tricent-sexadeca-third”
Slightly confused by that word, Alt proceeded to check the internet, his default search engine as “One”. He entered that word, and one result popped up: “Foobarspeak for 363rd”. Of course, Alt didn’t understand what Foobarspeak was either, so he searched for that… So he spent the entire day learning about the new world he was in, and lived crappily ever after.
The End.
5 hours down the road, The Author gets bored with not having anything to write… so Onwards to video games!
Ok, it’s been 2 days of gaming, and The Author is bored with watching virtual characters run around… or maybe… no, nevermind that. The story is done in one universe, but in a parallel universe created when the coin flipped, the story continues.
The coin came up tails.
“Huh,” said Alt, “I was really hoping it’d be heads.”
Merlin was more enthused, “Well now me boy, you’ll be off to a BIG adventure! Fate had it in for you, I knew it was you who must partake this adventure, and this coin flip proves it!”
“But wait! How can you use a coin flip to make decisions? That must be the utterly most impractical way possible!” exclaimed Alt.
“En contraire, young Gawain, it is not. This is a special coin, see it has the ability to foresee the future! It has never been wrong my boy… NEVER!
“Watch this,” continued Merlin, he flipped the coin, “let heads be yes, tails be no, now is this flip going to be heads?”
The coin landed heads. Alt could have sworn the figure winked at him behind the round etched spectacle.
“Yes, see? The coin knows! We’ll try again..”
The coin landed tails.
“Correct again! The coin says it’s not heads, and look, not heads!” Merlin tucked the coin back in his coin pocket before Alt could take a closer look.
Alt was convinced. He was not very happy though, but convinced that it was his destiny to go on this quest. He therefore headed to the door, almost certain that the first step was to get something to eat. However, Merlin stopped him.
“Where are you going, my boy?”
Alt gestured the door, “out is this way, I assume?”
“Heavens no! Come, come, we will have you travel in fashion!” Merlin ushered Alt into a small room behind a wall that dematerialized at a snap of Merlin’s toes. The tight room was dirty, stained, smelled horrid, and at the center was a singular modern-day toilet taken from a greyhound bus.
Alt peeked over the brim, and to his utter disgust, there was feces in blue water and mixed with urine from who knows how many disgusted customers. Alt could have sworn some of the feces came alive and swam in circles.
“This, my boy, is a time machine. It takes you to the future, for it holds the future!” exclaimed Merlin happily.
Alt wiped his nose, “future is full of shit.”
“Excellent observation! Now, if you would dive head-first into the machine, it will take you to your first destination, April 9th, 1684.”
“April 9th, 1684?” Alt looked at the calendar, and sure enough, he found no reason to dive into the highly questionable contraption. “That’s a week from today.”
“Yes my boy! Now go!”
“But –,”
“Have I taught you nothing of hesitation?” Merlin stopped for a moment to think on his beard that’s oddly changing color to a light shade of green, “oh all right, I haven’t. Well NEVER hesitate!”
“But –,”
“boo!”
Alt toppled head-first into the bowl of shit. He gasped for breath as his swam to the surface, opened his eyes, and a swimming feces struck him in the eye. Another was trying to go up his ass. The poor kid fainted.
The next time he awoke, he was in a comfortable bed, covered in warm bed sheets, and a fragrant perfume hung in the air. He opened his eyes to see a pair of large yellow eyes stare at him with curiosity.
To Be Continued >>>
[...] To Be Continued >>> [...]